Covid Feels

Jeremy Hendricks is an ultra runner living in Boulder, CO and my dear friend. His talents and abilities include running long, drawing amazing things, and writing with his heart - as you will see for yourself below.

A short memoir of words as they continue to unfold amidst covid-19

Day 5

The minutes rolled by and gathered speed into hours and flowed into days, weeks and maybe months
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Panic fueled nothing more than the blind leap from tree to tree and after the adrenaline was tapped; we faded into a cadence as a community
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Survival of the fittest became survival of the kindest; for it was those who carried the most strength that lifted up the others
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I’m here.  I’m present. I’m moving, breathing, assessing, listening and providing.  No act of selfishness will go unnoticed and all acts of selflessness will swirl around our legacies
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I don’t have the answers, but I do have resilience, compassion and I feel for those who are experiencing significant impacts of this chapter
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This is my time; OUR time to shine

Day 8

I got scared today.  For the first time in a long time, so I grabbed what felt like a hearty stone
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I searched amongst them.  Discerning there size and feel.  It’s weight felt like something I could carry.  The way it fit in my grasp gave me the assurance I needed.  It’s edges sharp and precise, I grew certain of it’s striking power
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I run alone a lot, but now it really feels alone.  Accounts of increasing mountain lion sightings pepper the local neighborhood banter and I can’t help but think I’m likely to have my first encounter this year
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Nature is hopefully getting a reprieve while efforts to shrink our sphere continue to forge new ground and reduce our impact
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The hairs stood up on my neck as I made sure to explode from the dirt with each footstep.  I’d wield my confidence in each stride as if to say; I am not weak and I cannot be taken today
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I carried the stone in confidence until I no longer needed it’s strength.  I carried the stone, because there’s comfort in nature.  And for that; I am grateful

Day 13

Humans are unique in that we have an amazing range for emotional capacity.  Everyday someone and perhaps many rise to the day carrying with them the emotional labors of their past, current or future hardships yet still manage to pay it forward.  You’ll often ask these people for their stories because it’s approachable and we crave to know those who do good
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Everyday someone and perhaps many rise to the day carrying their burdens in ways that manifest into disdain or complacency.  We’ll never know everyone’s stories, unless you take the time to ask
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Time however is one of our most valuable resources.  I’m aware of the time; and I’m painfully aware of the time that many will never get...or get back
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I’ve been drawing a metaphorical line in the sand lately and I’d admit it’s likely a bit protective and selfish.  It’s a line, in the sand and I haven’t dug it deep enough that the winds of time will not make it fade away
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Time is fickle and when you slow it down; as many of us are facing now, we can only benefit from allowing ourselves to build what we want from ourselves and our communities
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As the “How are you?”’s flow in; take notice
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“I’m stable, I’m aware, I’m breathing and I’m grateful.  Thank you.”

Day 15

I don’t always have the words, but I want to
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You’re scared, you’re numb, you’re tired and I hear you
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I won’t always have the words, but I’ll try to
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You miss what we were, what you had, where you wanted to be...just fucking be...you
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I can’t always have the words, but I can for you
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I hear you, I see you and I thank you.  Those of you who are feeling the walls shrink in, the sphere reduce and your chest tighten.  I know you’re working really hard to hold it together.  But it’s okay; you can let it go.  We’re here to catch you

Day 18

There is only one “i” in PERSPECTIVE
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I just have a certain amount of energy I personally can allocate towards comforting others and it’s exhausting if people aren’t willing to at least heed advice or attempt to make small changes towards shifting their perspectives
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My point is that I know people can weather this.  We’re all dealing with the same shit yet in varying levels of personal intensity.  I am not in an ICU all day, so I am lucky.  I can still get outside, so I am lucky.  I miss my friends, but I’m lucky to have them still.  I can get outside any day I want, so I am lucky.  I miss the hugs, kisses and touch.  I’m trying everyday to maintain strong connections with those that matter, so I am lucky.  This list goes on and so should yours
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You deserve to feel this; all of the stress, anxiety, uncertainty, sadness.  I will not take that from you
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Just try this...”I’m good, this sucks and I’m resilient.  I can spread kindness and I’m working on continuing to fill my own cup too”

Always my biggest love,
Jeremy

Find more about Jeremy by clicking here.